Starting my twenty ten

27-January 2010

This has been the longest time that I haven't posted anything here. So much has already happened in the last couple of months:

- I started teaching English online (which is hard to believe, considering that I can't even remember what a predicate is)
- We moved out and then went back home again after two months
- David's been here again (Best Christmas and New Year ever)
- David's gone back to England (which could be the reason why I'm bingeing like crazy again... I absolutely hate immigration, recession and everyone and everything that just seems to make things more difficult for us to stay together).

Faith, my daughter is just upset that she and her new best friend (my neighbor/friend's daughter) won't be able to play everyday anymore (although I reckon it's not really that much of an adjustment considering how often they both get grounded for being “silly”).

Since the start of the year, I've only been to two job interviews... It would have been nice to say that I've just been hired in one of them. Unfortunately, I'm probably perceived as either overly confident or too desperate. And to be honest, at this point, the latter is more applicable! -- I friggin' hate not having a full-time job or rather, a much much higher paying job that requires little time and effort (don't we all?).

Granted that I get to spend more time with Faith however, given how we are now so financially restrained, I'm sure even my daughter would rather that I just get her some knickknacks or some new toys from time to time and not see her 24-7 (especially since I'm more of the crabby-in-the-morning, hygiene-obsessed and just mostly distracted and grouchy type of mom, instead of the usually fun and easy-going maternal figure that you so often see in political advertisements!).

Sorry, just venting.

When David was here, everything seems more tolerable. In fact, I think I even enjoyed our “simplified” life. I actually find my schedule more hectic and physically exhausting (I blame the school system or whoever thought that kids ought to be in school before 7:00 AM and Pagbilao for being such a small town that there's not one decent apartment we can lease even if it's just short-termed!), but I wasn't even contemplating whether I'd be happier pursuing my career again or not. I was just plain contented...well, almost. After all, there's always this financial schminancials that we have to deal with, no matter how simple we try to live our lives.

For now, we can only keep trying to get out of this sh** and hope and pray and work harder and so on and so forth, until the three of us could finally be together forever and ever...

*sigh*

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Gossip People

12-November 2009

In this little town called Pagbilao, nosiness and gossipmongering are acceptable. The townspeople engage in it unabashedly. If you happen to be the unfortunate subject of their repartee, they would talk about you even if you're within hearing distance. Some of them would even have the audacity to point at you, especially if their mate is having a little trouble identifying you in the crowd. I know this seems like a scene from a movie, but for once, they're not exaggerating!

This morning, after I've taken my daughter to school, I thought I'd enjoy a few minutes of peace and quiet whilst I enjoy my first cup of coffee for the day when I suddenly heard a commotion outside. Somebody was running amok! Curiosity got the better of me so I peek outside my window to see what the ruckus is all about.

I didn't see the man who's just been cussing and hurling threats. However, I noticed that practically all my neighbors were standing outside, apparently enjoying the drama. Some of them were gathered in small groups, probably already analyzing the psychological makeup and assessing the family background of this emotionally disturbed bloke... I smiled at myself because I'm really not that different. I am, after all, also looking outside – except that I am probably more curious about my neighbors than about this man.

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In recent years researchers have turned to the study of gossip -- our predilection for talking about people who are not present. As it turns out, gossip serves a useful social function in bonding group members together. In the distant past, when humans lived in small bands and meeting strangers was a rare occurrence, gossip helped us survive and thrive.

Only in the past decade or so have psychologists turned their attention toward the study of gossip, partially because it is difficult to define exactly what gossip is. Most researchers agree that the practice involves talk about people who are not present and that this talk is relaxed, informal and entertaining. Typically the topic of conversation also concerns information that we can make moral judgments about. Gossip appears to be pretty much the same wherever it takes place; gossip among co-workers is not qualitatively different from that among friends outside of work. Although everyone seems to detest a person who is known as a “gossip” and few people would use that label to describe themselves, it is an exceedingly unusual individual who can walk away from a juicy story about one of his or her acquaintances, and all of us have firsthand experience with the difficulty of keeping spectacular news about someone else a secret.

In his book Grooming, Gossip, and the Evolution of Language (Harvard University Press, 1996), Psychologist Robin Dunbar of the University of Liverpool in England suggested that gossip is a mechanism for bonding social groups together, analogous to the grooming that is found in primate groups. Sarah R. Wert, now at the University of Colorado at Boulder, and Peter Salovey of Yale University have proposed that gossip is one of the best tools that we have for comparing ourselves socially with others.

Source: The Science of Gossip: Why We Can't Stop Ourselves

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Bold, brazen and tactless!

10-November 2009

On our way to my cousin's house last weekend, the tricycle took a different and unfamiliar route. To my surprise, Faith, my 6-year old daughter suddenly remarked that she's been there before and then she pointed at the house of a former nanny.

I don't particularly like this nanny because she's quite nosy and she used to rummage through my stuffs as soon as I'm gone to work. However, Faith seems to have a different opinion. She said she likes her. Rather than explain to her why I feel otherwise, I told her that I prefer her last nanny because she's nicer. Oddly enough, she said she doesn't remember her even though she was with us longer and it was only early this year that she's resigned.

So I tried to describe her and recounted some instances when she was still with us. It took awhile before Faith excitedly blurted out that she knows who she is. She said, "She's that brown girl!”

It was hard to keep a straight face whilst I lecture her about manners and tact, especially after she asked me afterward if it's the same as not saying bad words like stupid and “pac man!”

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Empathy is the basis for tact, says Cheryl Park, coordinator of early childhood education for Cambrian College in Sudbury, Ontario. “Before about six years of age, children are primarily egocentric — they can’t take in another person’s feelings. But six- to eight-year-olds have undergone a major shift in their thinking; they are in a different place. They are more able to understand how other people might feel.” That understanding is what makes kids realize what might hurt another’s feelings, and want to avoid doing so.

Developing tact is such a slow process that parents need to have a lot of interaction in these situations, until kids are comfortable enough and have developed and practised the scripts,” says Park. “You’re not going to have instantly tactful children.”

Learning to Be Tactful
by Holly Bennett

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Juvenile and Restless

9-November 2009

Back in the days when girls were supposed to be all sugar and spice and everything nice, we were the clueless angst-ridden rebels who thought it's more fun to defy the norms. Some of us were merely getting back at overly stringent parents, others were just into the identity crisis bandwagon and a few more were just hungry for a sense of belongingness. As for me, I was simply curious.

I wasn't blaming my parents, teachers, the Catholic church, the school system or the government for my actions. I just really wanted to see what it's like and how it feels. I just wanted to have a bit of fun.

Unfortunately, like most 14-year old kids, we weren't very careful. We were impulsive and even boastful... We should have kept our mouth shut and just waited until we were past that juvenile delinquency phase.

Amazingly, it seems that the stigma has persisted amongst our peers even after a decade and a half later. During high school reunions, old classmates would still refer to us as the unruly bunch or the “detention girls” (batang guidance office). They would still look at us like we're still the same “disturbed” kids. Never mind that some of us have become successful in our chosen careers, have turned out to be good parents or are now leading a much more “peaceful” existence.

But I reckon, I couldn't really blame them. After all, everyone at some level are guilty of judging others based on impressions, little knowledge and a few bits of memories of their “wonder” years. We were sort of infamous then for our recklessness -- that's how we are remembered.

I have no regrets though. I had a blast and it was good :-)

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Children often test the limits and boundaries set by their parents and other authority figures. Among adolescents, some rebelliousness and experimentation is common. However, a few children consistently participate in problematic behaviors that negatively affect their family, academic, social, and personal functioning.

- About Juvenile Delinquents

Some studies holds that stigmatizing labels generally feed a self-fulfilling prophecy to juveniles, supporting social labeling theory. On the other hand, there are a number of studies and research evidence that says that stigmatizing labels have no effect on juveniles' behavior; some, although very few, even hold that stigmatizing labels actually reduce delinquent acts. It is a "right and wrong" theory. Social labeling theory really deals with how "society reacts to individuals" and how "individuals react to society."

- Evaluating Labeling Theory of Juvenile Delinquency

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Can a relationship survive without sex?

8-November 2009

When my friend told me that he and his partner haven't had sex for a very long time because his partner said she just couldn't help but still imagine him having sex with this other woman whom he's had an affair with more than a year ago, I couldn't help but wonder why they're still together.

Why would you cling on to a relationship that has apparently stagnated? How could you possibly still live with somebody whom you absolutely detest? It seems to me that she's lost her trust on him and that she still could not forgive him for his infidelity.

My friend told me that she wouldn't even kiss him and whenever he tries to hold her, she'd make up an excuse about how tired she is, or how her bones are achy, etc. He said at first he thought, she was just punishing him for what he did and all will be forgiven and forgotten eventually. However, now he's beginning to doubt whether she could ever really forgive him and move on with their relationship.

I really don't understand her reasons for not booting my friend out after all this time. I reckon a year would be enough time for anybody to assess their feelings and decide whether or not they should continue with the relationship. I also couldn't help but ask, is it better to be in a bad relationship than not to be in a relationship at all?

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A relationship needs intimacy. Regardless of whether it's a physical intimacy or an emotional intimacy, your relationship will slowly wither and die without it... You cannot create a physical intimacy without the emotional intimacy, nor can you have complete emotional intimacy without the physical aspect as well.

If you can't be intimate with your partner, whether physically or emotionally- or both, you cannot expect to having a lasting relationship with your partner. The reason for this is quite simple. Without the emotional and physical bond between mates, there's nothing to hold onto when things get rough and both partners find themselves feeling as though they've got no anchor to keep them safe in the rocky ocean of life.

Can a relationship survive without intimacy?
by Samantha Vincent

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Against all odds

6-November 2009

Here's another youtube re-post. Sorry I couldn't help it. My honey sent this to me this morning and it made me feel all mushy and cheesy and melodramatic :-)

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A mother's love is universal

4-November 2009

I've shown this clip to my daughter and explained to her that my love for her is kind of like how mama bear would always want to protect her baby bear. After watching the video, she responded by attempting to lick my face! sheeesh! LOL

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My baby's holiday must-haves!

24-October 2009

The holiday season is fast approaching once again and although this year might not be as prosperous as the previous years because of the current economic crisis that’s affecting everybody, it’s still almost unthinkable to totally forgo Christmas or Hanukkah or whatever it is that you celebrate this season.

So I asked my daughter what she wants to have this Christmas so she dutifully gave me a very long list of what she “needs.” Her list includes loads of dolls, dollhouse (of course!), a mobile phone, DVDs, a trampoline, a scooter (this is a must-have she said) and even a high-tech robot! For the last one, I reckon she must be thinking of the kind that's like a maid that answers her every whim.

I told her Santa Claus couldn't possibly fit all these in her stocking so she suggested that we buy an extra large stocking this year. Now that's ingenuity!

*sigh*

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Mommy, you're number 2!

15-October 2009

It was my daughter's quarterly examination and I was explaining to her the concept of GAPESA (Given, Asked, Plan, Equation, Solution and Answer) in Mathematics. She understood everything fine, except what she's suppose to write down in “plan.”

She keeps putting the last couple of words in the problem, i.e., “in all,” which doesn't make sense at all, so I told her to simply write down: “Find the sum of ___, or whatever the objects they're supposed to add up. She totally disagree with me because she said she's been writing the same thing ever since and her teacher consider her answers correct. True enough, when I checked her previous assignments, her teacher has indeed marked her answers right.

Of course, I was adamant that she rectify this and told her that my way is more accurate. To which, she started bawling and accused me of trying to “sabotage” her chances of acing their test. No matter how I explained it to her, she just wouldn't believe me.

Now I know what my dad must have felt when he was trying to teach me Mathematics back when I was about the same age as my daughter now. It must have been worse for him because he's a professor of Accountancy and a Certified Public Accountant. Talk about having confidence in your parents!

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Learn English (?)

12-October 2009

“Use hidden soldiers to minimize fooling her...” when I scrolled down the text message, the sender explained that this is what this famous personality said in his latest shampoo advertisement (translation: Use Head and Shoulders to minimize falling hair).

I admit I find it amusing, although I do feel a tad guilty for laughing and sometimes even making fun of this myself. It's weird though because English is not really our native tongue. Yet we regard those who are fluent in English very highly. There are times when we even equate one's English proficiency with his intellectual quotient.

In the past, I have met and become friends with many people who are not very articulate in English, but who are nonetheless just as sensible, talented and smart as the next English speaking guy. They may have trouble expressing themselves in English but if you ask them about their philosophies in life, or you watch them build or create something so intricate or beautiful or fantastic, knowing full well that they never had any formal training or education – now that I reckon, is more impressive that somebody who can speak English with an American, Australian or British accent!

I know it has something to do with this “colonial mentality” again, but I reckon we should also try to be less critical and be more open-minded. After all, some of the more developed countries like Japan, Singapore, South Korea, France and Belgium aren't native English speakers. In the end, what we do is more important than what we say or how we say it.

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Pay back

05-October 2009

In western culture, it’s quite acceptable to move out as soon as you’re 18 years old (sometimes even younger) and put your parents in homes when they’re old. In the Philippines, these are considered almost taboo.

You only move out when you’re job requires that you relocate or when you get married. Although it’s not uncommon to still live with your parents or in-laws even when you’re already married because of the difficulty of obtaining a house, unless you’re in the upper class bracket.

However, you’re also expected to repay your parents for giving you food, clothes, shelter and education, particularly if you have finished a university degree. You pay them back usually by helping out with the utility bills and/or sponsoring a brother/sister’s education. Sometimes, you even end up shouldering everything, which is why some people never marry or only settle down when all their siblings have already graduated from college.

This is one of the reasons why Filipinos are considered very family-oriented. Yet this mentality may also bring out feelings of resentments -- Parents who are still “taking care” of their children even when they already have their own family resents the fact that they’re still working hard (sometimes even harder because of the additional grandchildren and son/daughter-in-law) to support them. Similarly, children who ended up shouldering everything, lest they be considered ungrateful after everything that’s been given to them, likewise feel bitter and frustrated.

Is this really a choice or are we merely unfortunate because our government could not afford (only because of the prevalence of graft and corruption) to help us out? In other countries, where the unemployed, disabled and those who are earning below the minimum wage, are given housing and subsidies for basic necessities, it is so much easier to just move out, establish a family or just do whatever you please without having to worry about whether your parents, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. are eating at least 2 or 3 times a day.

Western countries may think that to still be living with your parents even when you’re over 30 years old is ridiculous. In the same manner, we are appalled when they would send their elderly parents in homes, even if these homes are akin to hotels with private nurses and caregivers. We frown at each other’s ways and practices, yet should the circumstances be reversed, I wonder if everyone would still maintain their ways…

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Typhoon Parma

03-October 2009

Thankfully, typhoon “Pepeng” (international name: Parma) seems to have gone in another direction so what was feared to be yet another super typhoon didn’t do as much damage as the typhoon Ketsana.

I couldn’t say the same however for those areas that was directly affected. I’m just hoping that we don’t lose any more lives. It’s bad enough that this country, being a third world country, is already dealing with so much sh** on a daily basis even before these calamities have hit us.

So many people are saying that this is probably a wake up call for us -- so that we should be more disciplined and caring of our environment. If only everyone would actually realize that. However, when I hear news about people stealing and taking advantage of other people’s misfortune, it just makes me feel sad, frustrated and even pessimistic.

I am nonetheless proud of how in the face of adversities, there are still more people who are willing to lend a helping hand. Many would even risk their own lives to save other people. If only we would remain solid, selfless, compassionate and vigilant even after when this tragedy is over, I’m sure we could gradually recover and even progress.

I am still an idealistic fool I suppose, but you never know…

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